Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
