You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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