What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Vodka?
Forever.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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