I wannas sexs uuuuu
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
