You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
