mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
