just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
