I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
