She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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