Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
