im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
