She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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