The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
