Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
