kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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