you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
