literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
