garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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