No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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