when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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