can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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