She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
