2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
