How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
