how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
