She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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