capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
