you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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