made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
