The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
try to milk me bitch
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