I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
