I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
