I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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