Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
