thus making me awesome and them whores
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
