Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Mom said you looked used
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
