She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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