my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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