Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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