im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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