I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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