my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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