This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
