Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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