is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
