Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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