I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
