my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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