My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
