He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
